The schedule of the Democratic National Convention tonight:

6:00pm - Opening flag burning ceremony.
6:05pm - Pledge of Allegiance to the United Nations
6:10pm - Secular words by Revs. Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton
6:30pm - Anti-war concert by Barbra Streisand.
6:45pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
7:00pm - Tribute theme to France. (Surrender To Me)
7:10pm - Collect offerings for al-Zawahri defense fund.
7:30pm - Tribute theme to Germany. (Deutchland Uber Alles)
7:45pm - Anti-war rally moderated by Michael Moore.
8:25pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
8:30pm - Terrorist appeasement workshop.
9:00pm - Gay marriage ceremony for male and female couples.
9:30pm - CBS, NBC, ABC, CNN urge defeat of President Bush.
10:00pm - Posting the Iraqi Colors by Sean Penn and Tim Robbins
10:10pm - Reenactment of Kerry's fake medal toss.
10:20pm - Cameo by Dean 'Yeeearrrrrrrg!'
10:30pm - Abortion demonstration by N.A.R.A.L.
10:40pm - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
10:50pm - Special thanks to the New York Times & Washington Post.
11:00pm - Multiple gay marriage ceremony for threesomes and groups.
11:15PM - Maximizing Welfare workshop.
11:30pm - Saddam Legal Defense Fund pep rally.
11:50PM - Ted Kennedy proposes a toast.
12:00pm - Nomination of Democratic candidate.

NEW: 5:00am -Ted Kennedy Will Conduct a Swimming Class.